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Philosophy - Expectations - Terms I use - Sessions - Gallery - Sessions gallery

 

A word about the terms I use. You may not be familiar with the term "vanilla." It simply means "not kinky." It doesn't imply bland or anything uncomplimentary. It's just a way of distinguishing people's preferences.

When talking about power exchange situations some people use the term D/s (Dominance/submission), others use BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism). Some people say D/s is relationship oriented, while BDSM pertains to acts rather than to emotional involvement. I think that's a personal distinction rather than a universal one. I also suspect there might be an element of trying to make our kink more palatable to vanilla people by avoiding references to sadism and masochism. Regardless, I use BDSM. If that makes you uncomfortable you'll have to run it though your own mental filter.

Some groups in the BDSM community make distinctions between submissives and slaves and between dominants and mistresses/masters. I tend to use the terms interchangeably because, again, these distinctions are local, not universal. I don't think it makes sense to label ourselves too strictly. We don't like it when other people label us, we might as well not do it to ourselves.

What does make sense to me is to have a clear idea of what I mean when I use a term. When I meet someone who uses it differently, I can say what I mean and she can say what she means. Then, as we continue the conversation, we both know what we're talking about, even if we say it differently. I suggest you consider doing this, too. In the long run, it saves a lot of time, not to mention frustration.

 

 
   

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