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A message from Mistress Violette - click to listen


People often ask me how I "got started" in BDSM. I never had a sense of getting started; my interest was always there. What I lacked was information. The little I knew about BDSM came from fiction or the media and most of that was wrong. Lucky for me, I found what I needed on-line: information and people, people who became real life friends and some who became real life partners.

People often ask me what I "like" to do in BDSM. My guess is, they're expecting a laundry list of activities. I'm supposed to say that I just love CBT, for instance, or that I especially enjoy bondage. While that's true, it's only part of the equation. At its core, BDSM is about power and control. A submissive offers his power and the ability to control him to a dominant; she accepts it. All those other delightful things -- CBT, bondage, pain play, chastity, humiliation, service -- are just outward manifestations of the giving and acceptance of power and control.

I'm telling you this for a couple of reasons. One is that, if I don't, eventually you're going to ask, so I'm saving us both some time. The other is that this is an introduction and knowing the answers to these two questions tells you some important things about me. BDSM is part of who I am, something I do because I enjoy playing with power and get satisfaction from it.

Now that you know the most important things, here's the rest. I have a job, a partner (also dom), friends, a house, hobbies, frustrations and joys. In short, I'm a real person with a real life. I'm five feet four inches tall with a voluptuous figure and, as you can see, great legs. I'm mature and experienced, having been involved with BDSM for 14 years. Although there is a fee for my distance domination, I'm not a pro domme. All of my experience has been in real life, personal relationships.

In pursuing those relationships I found that lack of knowledge is still a problem for many people. Submissive men, however, seemed to lack it in a special way. Many are seeking "training" when what they need is education.

If there were only one right way of practicing BDSM, it might be possible to train people to do it. But BDSM isn't a set of mechanics that can only be done one way. The desire to play with power is a characteristic that some people have. Like any characteristic, different people express it differently. The stern, strict, aloof dominant woman and the groveling, begging submissive man do exist but they're just examples of one way it can be done, not the definitive models. BDSM and D/s come in many combinations and permutations. It's up to each of us to learn about them, then pull out the components that work best for us and meld everything together into a unique personal style. So, rather than wait for the domme of your dreams to come along and train you, it's ok, and even recommended, to take responsibility for your own journey into submission by looking around and learning. To help you out, you'll find some articles here plus links to other informative sites.

And then there's me and domination at a distance. I can talk with you about your interests. I can help you learn. I can give you the experience of surrendering to a dominant woman. What I can't, and won't, do is try to train you into someone else's idea of a submissive. That could be the best thing that anybody has ever done for you.

A few lucky, discerning submissive men have had the privilege and satisfaction of catering to my whims, living under my direction, and learning to do things in a way that makes me happy. When they did well, they were rewarded. When they didn't, they were corrected. Sometimes the reward and the correction were exactly the same. What made them effective in different ways was my skill at understanding my submissives and using my control in the most productive way.

As you look for a woman to trust with your surrender, you'll find a number of people who may or may not be right for the job. You'll find people who combine offensive language with phone sex and offer this as dominance. You'll find people who think accepting your money without providing control is dominance. You'll find people with so little knowledge of dominance that they want you to design the scenario. If you're a basically vanilla person looking for a little variety, these may well work for you. If you're a submissive who needs to surrender control, this may work for you, too, for a little while. Eventually, though, you'll want something more. You'll want someone who understands your needs and can fulfill them in unexpected ways. You'll want someone who comprehends the power dynamic and knows how to work with it. You'll want someone sensuous, sadistic, and creative.You'll want an experienced dominant woman.

I'm not saying I'm the right dominant for you. I'm saying you and your submission are worth the effort it takes for you to learn how to assess any potential dominant. If it turns out that you think I might be the right dominant for you, get in touch and we'll see what happens. And, yes, I am that damn good.


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