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Article 6 - Pro Dommes

Many submissive men visit professional dommes (Pro Dommes). Doing this can be beneficial for several reasons. It's a good way to get an idea of how BDSM works, to help to judge if it's right for you. It's helpful for people who can't commit to a BDSM relationship but still need to do BDSM. It can be good experience that helps you define what you need from a future relationship. What visiting a pro domme doesn't do is "train" you to be everyone else's submissive nor is it exactly what BDSM is like in a personal relationship.

A pro domme is selling a service. It's the rare man who wants to part with his money and not have at least some of his needs satisfied in return. What this means is that the surrender is only partial, the control is less than total. A pro domme wants you as a repeat customer; so some of what she does is designed to please you, not her. This is not a bad thing. It's neutral. You just have to understand that it happens and factor that into your assessment of BDSM and how it fits into your life.

You also have to factor that into any discussion of your experience. A man who has had relationships with pro dommes is a much different submissive than one who has spent the same amount of time in personal relationships. His expectations will be different, as will his behaviors and approaches. Again, this is a neutral thing. Just be sure that, when talking about your experience, you're clear about the source. Pro dommes tend to be of the "bitch goddess" school of BDSM. It's a legitimate style of BDSM, it's just not the only style of BDSM. An individual's personality dictates what works for her in BDSM. Some people like the bitch goddess model, others prefer senior officer-junior officer, others practice a less structured form and there are many points in between. So, if you go around saying you've been "trained by Mistress Anne of Cleavage" don't be surprised if the response is less than enthusiastic. It's better if you can tell people what Mistress AC expected of you and how you responded to that. In other words, a prospective partner is interested in you and in your style.

BDSM has gotten a little more mainstream in the last few years. People are adopting the look and some people are even trying to walk the walk and talk the talk for profit. Some "female" doms who operate exclusively by phone and e-mail are guys. I'm not talking about transgendered people, here, I'm talking about men who are quite happy with their sex, lying about being women in order to make money. If you're ok with that, fine. If you're not, ask some questions and spend your money elsewhere if you don't get appropriate answers.

There are also vanilla woman who take up pro domming. I hate to tell you this, but they're usually the ones who advertise themselves as hot and horny. Experienced, capable doms know that BDSM is sexual but it isn't sex. Beware of anyone who says she's a "lifestyle mistress" and has her hand in her pants. Again, if you're ok with that, fine, but it comes under the same heading as men masquerading as dominant women..

Some vanilla dommes and some gender benders give pretty decent performances. Conversely, some people who are dominant in their personal lives don't perform well as pros. As the customer, you have to accept responsibility for determining if the service you're getting meets your needs and if you're getting fair value for your money. There's nothing that says subs can't be savvy consumers.


 
   

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