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Article 1 - Article 2 - Article 3 - Article 4 - Article 5 - Article 6 - Article 7


Article 2 - How to respond to a personal ad



If you're looking for a dominant partner and don't have a lot of face to face resources, personal ads are a good alternative. They don't work for many submissive men, though, because many submissive men don't seem to understand how to write a good response to a dominant woman's ad. Having been the recipient of a good many truly awful responses, I've got a few suggestions.

One thing to remember; writing a good response doesn't guarantee success. No matter how well worded your response, if you're not what the advertiser is looking for, you're just not and no hard feelings. That's a segue to the first thing to consider: do you have the characteristics noted in the ad? Yes, yes, I know, you are so overwhelmingly wonderful that it doesn't matter; you're going to respond regardless. I'm here to tell you it does matter. If the ad requests someone who speaks Croatian, has a chauffeur's license, and makes a great paella, don't respond if you speak only Italian, don't know how to drive, and can't pronounce paella. I don't care if you have buns to die for, if there wasn't a statement that buns to die for supersedes all other requirements, just let it go.

Now, logic tells me that a person who meets the requirements will send a note stating how he or she meets the requirements. And some people do. But there are an amazing number of people who respond, "Hi, I'm Bert. 5'10", 180, brn hair and eyes. I want to serve." Why do you do this? Unless the ad said, "Respond with height, weight, and coloring only" it makes absolutely no sense to do this. So stop doing it. And if, by some lucky happenstance, a patient dominant woman gives you a second chance and asks for more information, don't send a reply that quotes your stats yet again, adds your marital or employment status and ends there. If she asks for information, give it to her. Think about this: she's a dominant woman. Even if she placed an ad that said she was ugly, inexperienced, and prone to hives, the simple fact that she is a dominant woman would guarantee a respectable number of responses. You are nothing to her except pixels on a screen. You have to rise above that, you have to get her attention, and then you have to attract her. I've got to tell you, for most dominant woman, knowing your hair color (or the size of your penis) is not going to accomplish this.

So, second thing to remember: if you meet the requirements, show that you do. Talk about how you came to learn Croatian, describe some of your experiences as a chauffeur, mention something about your favorite paella recipe. Don't worry about providing too much information. When it comes to choosing a BDSM partner, it's hard to have too much information. You're writing to a woman who's going to get a lot of laundry lists. Save her some trouble, and set yourself apart from the other guys, by giving her a big chunk of information.

Many of you have answered numerous ads and gotten no response. You're leery of investing time and emotion only to get no return. Well, do you want to meet a dominant or don't you? You can sit around waiting and hope one falls into your lap or you can put a little work into your search.

Ok, you think you have the qualities mentioned in the ad and you're all set to put a little effort into your composition. What style do you use? After all, you're writing to a dominant woman, one of those leather wearing, whip-wielding goddesses. She probably expects you to be on your knees, the epitome of subservience, right? Don't count on it. A good many dominant women (I know you don't want to hear this) are everyday people. We can manage just fine without advertising our interests to the world and we can relate to submissive people as people first and submissives second. On the other hand, there are those who insist on formality and protocol. Take your cue from her ad and her style and respond in the same way.

I know you're curious about her and you want to know more about her. But this is her ball game, remember? She'll either volunteer information or give you an opportunity to ask questions. Wait for it. And, whatever you do, don't give her the impression you're trolling for whacking material by asking her what she "likes to do." She's a person, not a bunch of preferred activities.

So now your response is all ready to go. It's pleasant, polite, reasonably clever, and fact filled. There's no requirement that you type it neatly, with appropriate format and punctuation; there's no requirement that you check the spelling. I recommend you do so anyway. It's considerate and makes your message easier to read. Besides, not doing these things makes you kind of unappealing.

I suggest you don't send a picture of yourself unless the ad requested one and don't ask her for one right off the bat. Whether you intend it or not, these actions give the impression that appearance means more to you than compatibility and competence. If appearance really is your first consideration, you're probably better off in some other venue. One of the advantages of cyber space is the ability to get to know people without the distractions, and judgments, that happen face to face. Besides, no one ever looks as good (or bad) as the picture, anyway.

There you have it. Go forth and reply.

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